Haven’t written out what has been in my mind for awhile now and the urge to lately. I have no clue going in my own life anymore. feel like I’m too passive about absolutely everything, yet I’m way too lazy and unmotivated to change my ways. I don’t know anymore, but there’s one big thing bugging me more than usual lately.

I feel so lonely.

Usually I’m fully capable of suppressing this feeling, but as of late its been eating away at me and I’m not all too sure of why. I just feel as if I no longer have people around me and I am slowly crawling into a state of isolation. I find myself mindlessly playing video games like I did in high school and having absolutely no problem with it…but I should have a problem with it.

I have no one, only myself. Or at least it feels that way.

Today my dad was drinking for like the 7th day in a row with his friend since high school just talking and reminicing. Than I came to a conclusion that led me down this train of thought. My dad is just as lonely as I am, mentally at least. It’s crazy and it truly hit me when he said to me “Son, the only things I truly have left are you and your brother. And it looks like its going to be that way for awhile” I don’t know man that’s some real shit, but I know its the truth. 

Fuuuck I’m tired, gonna stop speaking my mind now even though there are so many things left unsaid.